we interrupt the migration in progress...

to say thank you to mr. john rosemond for this article: ********* this is exactly how I felt while at the famiy get together. when K had his meltdown and other family members gawked - this is the deragatory feeling that oooooozed from their stares. that he was acting up because he has some "disease" and should be medicated. no one said that out loud, but you could feel it in the air. it's nice to know that I'm not alone in realizing that this is just the stage K is in and he doesn't need to be medicated or any of that bullshit. I'm not demeaning any child that legitimately has problems, but medicating for the sake of medicating - well that's a load of shit! as for the line where the parents are supposed to "suffer the physical abuse" when their child hits them - oh.hell.no! no to the fucking no! oh, wait! I'm not supposed to say the word "no"! well guess what..................................... NO! NO! NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO! if K is acting up, or doing something dangerous to himself or another person, he will get told "NO!". he can throw a tantrum, I don't care. I'm the mom and therefore when I put my foot down - it's the damn law and little man better step to the line and cool his britches. I get so tired of people (DR's none the less) that say we're supposed to be our kids best friend and nurture them with cutesy sayings and let them get away with practically anything. My "job" (if you will) is to be K's parent, and if we get along great. if we bump heads and are heading in the opposite direction, it's my way that goes. no discussion. I'm a parent first, friend second. ************* ok, this post got away from me. anyway, I'm grateful to see this article in today's paper. I'm going to go check out the satire that mr. rosemond mentioned now.

no worse for wear...albeit sleepy

so the family get-together yesterday wasn't terrible. wasn't great, but then again I wasn't setting my expectations very high. the nap times were off which led to a cranky little man K, but he did really well up until the last 20 minutes when he had his "i'm way to tired" meltdown. it consisted of loud crying, lower lip pouting and red face, but again it was to be expected and I didn't bat an eye at it. we did what we could and made it through. Other than that, K did awesome. he didn't mind the extra people, the extra noise, the 2 extra kids. yeah, he did well. regarding the 2 babies, K could've cared less. it was actually really funny! cousin C was sitting behind K for a bit and C squealed at him. K turned around to see where the noise was coming from and paid it no mind! I guess you had to be there. it was like K couldn't be bothered with a baby and wanted to play with his truck! I did notice that during his meltdown in my lap, that some of the other family members gawked at us. like they had never seen a toddler meltdown before. I did my best to ignore them and just keep speaking calmly to K to try and get him to calm down. on the drive home (which came swiftly as K was at his wits end) I thought about how people judge you by how your kids behave. I thought about how unfair it is. I could go into all, but it'd reveal my up-teen-million neurosis and I'm not ready to go there yet. I also realized that I did the same thing until we had K. now, if I see a meltdown happening I'm just grateful it's not my kid. anyway, it bothered me a bit by having them gawk at us. like K was some alien child. I have news for them, those 2 cute little babies who coo'd and they ahhh'd at all afternoon - they will have their day! what the gawkers failed to remember is that K is in the throes of toddlerhood. he's left the baby days way behind and is hell-bent on finding his independence and testing his boundaries. I'm also grateful that I only have to see these people once a year! On a lighter note, K LOVED great-grandma's organ! he caught a glimpse of it through a door way and went beserk! He could've played on it for hours! will post pictures soon.

one week

in one week the extended family will be getting together at great grandma's home for christmas. last year there was only K, however this year there will be two more! Aunt C & Uncle D with O along with Cousin N, Cousin D and C. (Are there enough letters for you?! Geez...) now if you recall the last time the extended family visit occured, it was Thanksgiving last year. if you recall, this happened. please pay particular attention to #7. so, I wonder what's going to come up this year...? I know that I'll be excluded a bit because Aunt C and Cousin D are dealing with infants still and I'm well into toddlerhood. eeehhh, I say. I do so much better with K as a toddler than a baby so I welcome it. the burning question will be: is Cousin N's baby not crying? hmmmmmm? (can you feel the sarcasm dripping off of that question?!)

white-out

it’s snowing. a thin blanket has been draped over the roads, on top of cars, across people’s shoulders.......there is a quietness that holds hands with each snowflake. a terrible thing has happened, and while men and women search to understand, the snow falls... and falls... and falls... in the recess of my mind I’d like to think the snow offers comfort. brings us in close, like a mother with child, hushing our panicked breaths and rapidly beating hearts. in other places, I hope it serves as white-out. zero visibility of a senselessness act. much like rain washes away dirt and grime, let the snow “hide the sharp edges of reality.” I don’t want to remember the violence here and yet I can’t avoid it. it’s like a sock clinging to the cuffs of my pants with static electricity. no matter how much I shake, rattle and roll, the damn thing just won’t go away. “Remember, remember the 5th of my December” taunts me. I don’t want to look it in the eye and acknowledge it and yet, I must so that every hug, every kiss, every tuck into bed at night, every “I love you”…… they must be stronger and much, much…………so much more meaningful.

...........

my mind is stuttering it's thoughts out, making it hard to concentrate today. a mere 6.10 miles seperating me from ........... like I said, my thoughts are scattered.

the drive home

on my drive home, the radio stations were re-capping the events of this. various reporters were talking with witness after witness; harrowing tales that all seem to end with "we were just doing some shopping." I was already worked up by everything when I heard a reporter ask a witness: "is this the last thing you'd expect to happen here?" um....dumbshit reporter, what the fuck do you think?! (insert extreme sarcasm here) no, we all dream of having our days filled with running for our lives and dodging bullets while watching someone five feet away get shot! here's some advice for you, mr. reporter, don't EVER ASK THAT QUESTION AGAIN! that question only has one answer and it's pretty fucking OBVIOUS what that is: No one expects that to happen, EVER! (end sarcasm...for now) I was nowhere near this area, thankfully, but it's still way too close. this stuff doesn't happen here. I'm not saying that this area is crime free and perfect, but nothing has been taken to this extreme, ever. so here we are, coping. me by blogging and distracting myself with various internet searches of whatever, J by watching SuperBad and K asleep dreaming of chasing dogs and racing cars.

photo meme

I found this photo meme on Em's site, Billy's Diary and thought I'd give it a try. Here’s what you do: Type the answer to each question into a Google image search, and then pick an image from the first page of results. 1. Age at next birthday 2. Place I'd like to travel 3. Favorite place 4. Favorite object 5. Favorite food 6. Favorite animal 7. Favorite color 8. My nickname 9. Town I was born 10. Bad habit I have

done out of love

"it's done out of love." J says after letting a fart rip. "um, hmm." I respond...and then let out my own in retaliation. have you guessed what this post is about?! well, sillies, it's about love... . . . . . . . . . . okay, okay...it's about farting. but don't blame me for such a base (7) topic. J at o the joys started it! I read her post this morning and had a "head smack" epiphany that is worthy of being a grant covered study. seems that love doesn't have anything to do with flowers, candy and jewelry. "what?" you say yes, yes, true love seems to be more about whether or not you and your significant other will fart in front of each other or suffer the mighty inconvience (and gutteral pain, I might add) of holding afore mentioned fart in. so there you have it! weren't you just dying to know the secret! celion dion be damned, gimme some tenacious d! now if you'll excuse me, I have some love to share...if only I could find that can of beans...

can I get a "woot, woot"!

"Now is the winter of our discontent." - William Shakespeare I know I said I was going to lay off on posting about work, but I have some decent news. Actually, nothing changes for me really. But there is a certain co-worker of mine, Receptionist R, who has "high and mighty" tendancies that coincide with her never being wrong, of course. Anyway, Miss H & M gets to be in charge when Killjoy isn't here, as Killjoy's responsibilities now include managing certain aspects of the branch offices. R also has increased tasks to go along with her H & M-ness. Why does this thrill me? Because: a) My job doesn't change. Not to mention I get to keep my job. There've been many sudden changes here so that was a concern. Even though I'm not overly happy to be here, I still need a job. b) If the shit hits the fan while R is in charge, it comes down on her! c) R doesn't handle conflict well and gets tense easily, throw in her hatred at being wrong at anything (which she'll deny anyway) and there is potential for a breakdown Britney Spears style! d) Last week, in her H & M-ness, R sent out an email stating that I'd only be doing commercial proposals and part-timer would take over the residential ones. Well today, that got reversed by Killjoy! Toss in the fact that R has to send out another email stating that her changes have been nixed and it is going back to the way it was and all I wanted to do was shout at R to get off her high horse, kiss my ass and flip her the bird! Now, go read this post from earlier! It's my first attempt at being slightly creative and "wordsmithy", which I've been lacking at for quite some time. After all, I could've just said I watched snow fall and got all emotional.(snark)

Wintery-ness

"You can't get too much winter in the winter." - Robert Frost I heard cautious (and slightly panicked) voices declare that it was snowing. Making an excuse to get up from my desk, I walked to another department and through their picture windows, watched the whiteness fall. Many different feelings passed through me as I studied the fine layer of snow covering the cars in the parking lot. Excitement, this is the earliest it's snowed here in a very long time. Apprehension, what will the drive home be like today (and all the days to come during the season). Pairs of feelings hold hands and come to join me at the window. Wonder and Adventure, this will be the first year that K will be able to play in the snow. Comfort and Fear, I like watching the snow fall while wrapped up in a blanket at home and I fear what it will be like when I do have to deal with it. So it begins, the winter season. I acknowledge it with a nod and a handshake, because in a few months I'll want to give it a swift uppercut and tell it to go away.

looking for words

do you ever go through times when you're stuck for something to say? or if you do have something, it's usually the same thing over and over - like a broken record? that's how I've felt lately. it's not that I don't have anything to talk about. heck, spend more than 15 minutes with me and get through a few "hmm's" and "ahhh's" and you'll discover that I have a lot to say. however, seems like all I've been doing here is complaining, about work specifically. granted, work is pretty lame right now. it's become something I deal with for the sake of my family. I'm reminded of this quote: "one can tolerate demons for the sake of an angel." the demon being work and the angel(s) being J and K. so that's what I've been doing, tolerating. however it's also caused me to not be that into writing which leads to long gaps between posts. thing is, I don't want to bitch about work anymore. I don't really want to bitch about anything but I'm human so that is a lofty expectation and not one I can commit to. not to mention, how many posts can you really stand to read about my work?! so I'm working on finding things to write about. I used to write all the time but various things have distracted me from it over the years. if anyone has ideas on how/where to start I could use some suggestions. don't worry, there will still be cute posts about K. he is, of course, numero uno in the family here (much to our cats' dismay).

The Emergency Procedures for a Tornado in "Husker" Town

In case Tornados make their way through Husker Town, all residents are asked to take shelter at Memorial Stadium. It has been determined that no touchdowns will occur there. I'm not a big "talk about sports" person, but this season has sucked. S.U.C.K.E.D.

Odd One Out?

Am I the only mom who would rather do nothing than spend time with her son at night and on the weekends? Seriously, I don't want to spend 4 hours at a ballet performance of The Nutcracker because that's 4 hours away from K. Hell, I'm lucky if I can tolerate 2 hours away to see a movie in the theatre. If there was any way in hell that I could be a stay at home mom, and our finances/life wouldn't suffer, I'd jump at the chance. I don't mind working but there are times when I feel jipped to be away from K. Some people don't understand how difficult it is to be away from him 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. I don't even want to add up the hours...it's depressing. And it's the very reason why I don't go out much. I HAVE to be away from him to work during the week, I'll be damned if anyone is going to make me take time away from him on the weekend. So there, I said it. This has been festering for a while.

Changes...

Don't directly involve me and that is just fine! Turns out a Sales Manager got out of line and caused the job changes to be implemented in order to resolve the "situation". I've no idea what happened and I'm grateful for it! As they say, ignorance is bliss!

30 Lashings or Sent to Bed Without Dinner

"Changes" are afoot at work. Killjoy is supposed to have us in a meeting today to go over things. I hate change. It usually causes more chaos than good. Have I mentioned I HATE change?!

It Could Be...

An electrical "thing" that's about to go Water Pump Timing Belt Thermostat Catalytic converter OR it could be nothing. HA! Take that! Mystery smell was gone today. Anti-freeze looked fine and it was full. All fluids were good. No idea what the smell could be from, so finding the potential problem is difficult. I hope it was just a fluke. And what is it with men and cars?! Seriously, you ask them about 1 thing and they come up with 15 possible answers! My head was about the explode yesterday from all of the "It could be" responses. Oh well. As of right now, car is good. Let's hope it stays that way.

Here Goes

I'm pursuing an opportunity. I'm nervous as hell, intimidated and generally wondering if I'm being foolish to put myself out there. True, I don't LOVE where I'm working now but Killjoy generally doesn't bug me by hovering over every little thing I do, I can do this job in my sleep, even though this place doesn't have a "Flex time" policy Killjoy does let me make up some time if I need to go to a DR appt or such, I have set hours that I do really like, I'm a few months away from being full vested in 401K and I have a paid vacation coming up over the Chrismas/New Year holidays. If I leave I won't have those things. Does anyone LOVE their job anyway? If they did would there be movies like Office Space?! I know I'm "talking" my way out of applying. I do that. I don't want to think the "grass is greener on the other side" because it may not be. All the things I like about my current job (as few as they are) may be tossed out the window. I guess I'm just going to do it. Hell, I may not even catch their eye. UPDATE So I just e-mailed it over. I had to write a letter about me, what I've done so far in my career, what I want to do, etc etc. It couldn't be a standard cover letter, either. Here's hoping I don't come across like a court jester. I figure if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. They'll either like what they see or not. I have to at least try.

Bangle Bracelets and Stirrup Pants

I decided to go a different direction today and chose the Best of the '80's on sky.fm for my musical accompianant throughout the work day (accompianant - my big DOLLAR word for the day - LOL), when who should come on but The Jets. I haven't heard songs from them in years and was immediately sent spirally back into the 80's with my big "ocean spray" puffed/teased/bleached bangs, stirrup pants and bangle bracelets tangled up in jelly bracelets on both of my wrists. I wonder what else will send me skipping through time while I try to do as little work as possible today. UPDATE: Red, Red Wine by UB40 is playing. I wonder how that would taste disguised in Diet Pepsi? Kidding, I would never do that...the red wine in Diet Pepsi. Something else mixed in though.......

On the Mend with a Side of Feathers Rustled

Slowly I'm getting better. My voice still sounds like a 14 year old boy going through puberty, but hey, at least I have a voice. Earlier this week all I could muster was a raspy whisper. ***** Now, onto my rustled feathers. I've had K's 18 month DR appt scheduled (& turned into Killjoy) for 2.5 months. Killjoy tells me Receptionist has jury duty that starts on 2 weeks, the same day as K's appt. She "puts me on notice" and mentions that I will probably have to reschedule the appt. Keep in mind, I turned in the appt time 2.5 MONTHS AGO! Anyway, I try to be proactive and get it changed and the damn b*tch Killjoy tells me that the day I chose won't work because Receptionist has to go to jury duty "pre" meeting. WTF?! I shouldn't have to reschedule shit. I gave more than enough fucking notice to begin with. I get another appt (& thankfully the DR office Receptionist was a sweetheart about my calling 3 times) and it was ok with Killjoy. The point is, I'm pissed off with myself. I should've just kept the first appt. I should've just told them tough I can't get another appt scheduled so they're just have to deal. I fucking cave in, trying to be proactive, and it gets me nowhere. What do I get for switching around things? Nothing. No "thank you", no kudos, no recognition of any kind. That's why I'm upset - I change my life around and expect something/hope for something and I always get nothing AND I know that's how it ends every time and yet I keep falling into the same damn "trap". I seriously need to pull my head out of my ass...the sooner the better.

All's Fair in Love & Sharing the Cold-bug

K's much better. Me, not so much. I guess it's fair because the last two times K got sick, J was on the receiving end of Cold-bug's affection.