Violet, You're Turning Violet!

There are times when it makes complete sense to run back to the mid 90's. I was THAT person this morning - jamming in my car, stereo cranked up high enough to make the sound distort (well, pretty damn close to that anyway), singing my heart out and not giving a goddamn! Courtney Love and Hole were putting me in the best "F-U" mood ever! Follow it up with Green Day and the "anti-establishment" roar has begun! So what spurred me into this? Yesterday morning I couldn't have told you, last week, 2 months ago...nope, I didn't have a damn clue. Just before oh my god it's only 9:30! bedtime I'd been thinking of why I haven't been able to stick to the Weight Watcher plan as well as I did the first time, why I second guess 75% of the things I do with JuniorMint and a handful of other things. The top two are WW and JuniorMint. I've come to determine that I've been too focused on achieving things because of what other people will think of me or what they expect of me. This got me in "trouble" in college and it seems to be leading me down the same path again. I'll save you all the gory details but suffice it to say that I realized the first time I did WW I was doing it to see if I could. There was a bit of competition between me and another person but hell, I don't see her at all anymore so that "edge" has died. I didn't do it for anyone else but me. That changed after JuniorMint was born because people are watching me to see if I loose the remaining weight. I feel judged by them and therefore have to prove something to them. THAT has been my problem. The second thing has been JuniorMint. Again, I feel judged by people when I do certain things and have been second guessing myself on most of the things I do with him. None of them are bad but just different. Mainly, the difference in age between me and my boss and how she raised her kids and versus how people raise them now (ie - how I raise my son, how C-Mint raises her daughter, how D-Mint raises her son). Here's an example: Boss is in her late 50's. That's just for a point of reference. She has 3 grandsons and this will reference the middle one, B. She believes that he doesn't eat well because mom needs to sit at the table and wait for him to finish. B eats just fine when Boss is over and sits at the table with him until he finishes. Boss doesn't approve of mom running around cleaning up or going through papers while waiting for B to finish eating. She thinks all parents need to sit down and wait. This is also the lady that gave B's mom a hard time for breastfeeding thier newest son for 8 weeks. She thought the mom should just get it over with. NICE! Up until this morning, I thought that made sense and waited it out with JuniorMint. It does make sense to keep them company if everyone else has finished, however if they see everyone else getting to play, etc and they're at the table alone then maybe it will urge them to finish eating. I can see it both ways however I am not going to be ruled by them. This morning, I ate breakfast with JuniorMint and waited about 5 minutes after I was done for him to finish. Then, I put the high chair with him in it in the Kitchen next to me and proceeded to clean some of the sippy cups, clear off the counter and put some stuff away. I talked to him as I did it all so he didn't feel "out of place". Oh The Humanity! The Scandal! OOOOOOOO... (see, I have a bit of rebellion left in me after all-LOL!)