To You Happy Halloween We Wish

Time for a Name

K's first, true wubby (Pumpkin Bear) is very close to needing to be wrapped up and packed away for adulthood reminiscing. We've found a suitable alternative (because there's no way the other wubby will ever be replaced). Now we just need a name. EDIT: Moments after I hit "publish" J decided he liked "Spooky Bear" ala Fox "Spooky" Mulder (X-Files). I am still partial to Bear Skellington - an homage to Tim Burton and the movie "Nightmare Before Christmas"/Jack Skellington. So, if the mood strikes you, what do you think the name should be. I won't guarantee that we'll go with the one that gets the most votes, but we'll decide that later.

It Could Be...

An electrical "thing" that's about to go Water Pump Timing Belt Thermostat Catalytic converter OR it could be nothing. HA! Take that! Mystery smell was gone today. Anti-freeze looked fine and it was full. All fluids were good. No idea what the smell could be from, so finding the potential problem is difficult. I hope it was just a fluke. And what is it with men and cars?! Seriously, you ask them about 1 thing and they come up with 15 possible answers! My head was about the explode yesterday from all of the "It could be" responses. Oh well. As of right now, car is good. Let's hope it stays that way.

C'mon, I Mean Really...

Have you EVER heard of a relatively new car that's had regular (and I mean regular with a capital "R") oil changes, kept up with good maintenance and not even at the 70,000 mile mark having an engine go out? No, that hasn't come into the picture yet, but until I can go check the color of my anti-freeze (& pray that it's a clear color and not murky with oil) a blown head-gasket and in turn the potential for my engine to be on it's last leg is bouncing through my head. Where did this come from? Well, this morning I was almost to work when I noticed a weird smell coming through my vents when I had the fan on. I thought it might be from a passing truck, but the smell never went away. At lunch time I started my car and turned on the fan to see if the smell was still there and sure enough it started to creep through again. I took it in and the Tech thinks it is related to my radiator leaking but I haven't found any signs of a leak. J called his dad and the first thing his dad said was to check the color of the anti-freeze. Clear = good, murky = very, very bad. Unfortunately I am back at work now (see how diligently I'm working - LOL) so I can't go and check it. Plus, the car will still be warm and I don't need a hot blast of steam to give me the Harvey Dent look. Sooooo, hopefully by tonight we'll be able to check it out and I'll have better news. I keep hoping it was some fluke smell. Hope, hope, hope........

Here Goes

I'm pursuing an opportunity. I'm nervous as hell, intimidated and generally wondering if I'm being foolish to put myself out there. True, I don't LOVE where I'm working now but Killjoy generally doesn't bug me by hovering over every little thing I do, I can do this job in my sleep, even though this place doesn't have a "Flex time" policy Killjoy does let me make up some time if I need to go to a DR appt or such, I have set hours that I do really like, I'm a few months away from being full vested in 401K and I have a paid vacation coming up over the Chrismas/New Year holidays. If I leave I won't have those things. Does anyone LOVE their job anyway? If they did would there be movies like Office Space?! I know I'm "talking" my way out of applying. I do that. I don't want to think the "grass is greener on the other side" because it may not be. All the things I like about my current job (as few as they are) may be tossed out the window. I guess I'm just going to do it. Hell, I may not even catch their eye. UPDATE So I just e-mailed it over. I had to write a letter about me, what I've done so far in my career, what I want to do, etc etc. It couldn't be a standard cover letter, either. Here's hoping I don't come across like a court jester. I figure if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. They'll either like what they see or not. I have to at least try.

One Last Blast

Summer is on its way out so we decided to celebrate with (most likely) one last trip to the park.

Bangle Bracelets and Stirrup Pants

I decided to go a different direction today and chose the Best of the '80's on sky.fm for my musical accompianant throughout the work day (accompianant - my big DOLLAR word for the day - LOL), when who should come on but The Jets. I haven't heard songs from them in years and was immediately sent spirally back into the 80's with my big "ocean spray" puffed/teased/bleached bangs, stirrup pants and bangle bracelets tangled up in jelly bracelets on both of my wrists. I wonder what else will send me skipping through time while I try to do as little work as possible today. UPDATE: Red, Red Wine by UB40 is playing. I wonder how that would taste disguised in Diet Pepsi? Kidding, I would never do that...the red wine in Diet Pepsi. Something else mixed in though.......

On the Mend with a Side of Feathers Rustled

Slowly I'm getting better. My voice still sounds like a 14 year old boy going through puberty, but hey, at least I have a voice. Earlier this week all I could muster was a raspy whisper. ***** Now, onto my rustled feathers. I've had K's 18 month DR appt scheduled (& turned into Killjoy) for 2.5 months. Killjoy tells me Receptionist has jury duty that starts on 2 weeks, the same day as K's appt. She "puts me on notice" and mentions that I will probably have to reschedule the appt. Keep in mind, I turned in the appt time 2.5 MONTHS AGO! Anyway, I try to be proactive and get it changed and the damn b*tch Killjoy tells me that the day I chose won't work because Receptionist has to go to jury duty "pre" meeting. WTF?! I shouldn't have to reschedule shit. I gave more than enough fucking notice to begin with. I get another appt (& thankfully the DR office Receptionist was a sweetheart about my calling 3 times) and it was ok with Killjoy. The point is, I'm pissed off with myself. I should've just kept the first appt. I should've just told them tough I can't get another appt scheduled so they're just have to deal. I fucking cave in, trying to be proactive, and it gets me nowhere. What do I get for switching around things? Nothing. No "thank you", no kudos, no recognition of any kind. That's why I'm upset - I change my life around and expect something/hope for something and I always get nothing AND I know that's how it ends every time and yet I keep falling into the same damn "trap". I seriously need to pull my head out of my ass...the sooner the better.

All's Fair in Love & Sharing the Cold-bug

K's much better. Me, not so much. I guess it's fair because the last two times K got sick, J was on the receiving end of Cold-bug's affection.

Ode To Tylenol

Ahhh, the glorious victory Tylenol had/is still having over the as-yet-unknown virual throat infection that tried to beat down my toddler over the weekend. Ha, evil virus - you have met your match! Not only did the constant 101.8+ fever not keep him down, he was in a better mood than I could've dreamed for! Sure, when you reared your ugly head and flared up to 103 he was as red as a lobster in a pot and became a cauldron of cranki-ness, but that was nothing a nap (and yet another dose of Tylenol) couldn't help. I will concede that you succeeded in messing up his already gone bonkers sleep schedule with multiple night wakings. However, I am confident that he will slumber peacefully once more and dream of nothing but his new-found-love of Thomas the Train and Hi-5. So, here's a shot of tylenol in your eye...now p*ss off and leave my toddler alone!

More Giggles Than Cries

So last night we caved... As Bill Cosby put it so well: "Parents don't want justice, they want QUIET!" We let K watch Pat the Bunny and about 1/2 way through we gave him mac n'cheese for dinner (the second night in a row - oh the scandal!). He ate the entire plate full and even had 1/2 of a fruit roll-up. There was a slight fuss when the video was over and we had to rewind it. K still doesn't understand the whole "rewind" thing. (Daddy and I are already preparing the PC to transfer the tape to DVD, then we can just loop the fucker! Yes, I'm cursing - I've gone through figuring out where my nose is, having a good supper and bluey the blue-blue blanket enough times that only expletives will do. But I digress...) He watched it again and this time 1/2 way through played a little bit with us and his cars. It's been a long time since he laughed a good belly laugh and we sorely missed it. FF to this morning where he slept until 5:30 AM, which is freaking awesome considering the 4:30 wakings over the past few days. Not too fussy when trying to get dressed, etc and can you guess - he watched Pat the Bunny twice! Like I pointed out, I'm not looking for justice or the Pediatrician Recommended way to do things right now, I just want quiet - or at least more giggles than cries.

Taking Notes

Thank you DD for this post. It's the "been there, done that" reassurances that I use to calm my nerves and try again the next day.

Ahhh, I Just Love The Smell of Hypocrisy in the Morning!

4:54 am K wakes way to fucking early fussing and before I can tell J to give him a few minutes because he may calm down and go back to sleep, J has gone in and gotten K up. I got changed to do my AM workout and as J is strapping K into his booster at the table he says to K: "Mommy's going to do her workout so she won't pay attention to you so you're with me." What I heard: I'm pissed off that I have to get out of bed while Mommy gets to workout. Uh, yeah, ASSHOLE! 1. K hadn't even cried for more than 10 seconds before you shot out of bed to get him, therefore negating any chance of him possibly going back to sleep. 2. How easily you forget the number of times I had to get out of bed to take care of him when he was younger and not sleeping through the night yet. Where were you? In bed... 3. How many times have I gotten him and sat him right outside the bathroom (either in the exersaucer or other type of chair) so that he could see me and I could still get ready for work?! Hmmm? How many times? And where were you? Where? Yes, in bed... 4. I've put off pursuing a career because I want to spend time with my son. At my current job I don't have to deal with "up and comers" who're trying to unseat me and its relatively easy for me to take time off if I need to for K, not to mention that as long as I do my work Killjoy leaves me alone. Does it satisfy me? No, but I'm employed and right now that's what counts. J = Jackass ******* 9:52 am Killjoy chats with me for all of a minute and then her mobile phone rings and I could tell that this was a personal call from her new boyfriend. Now, I don't care if people talk on their mobiles. The type of office that this is you just get used to it and tune it out. There is no way in hell you're going to get a load of Sales Reps to surrender their mobiles, it's part of their job. The problem I have with Killjoy is that SHE was the one who was constanting hounding Part-timer A (#1) about talking on her mobile. It was unacceptable. The Sales Reps get to do it because it's part of their job, but office staff absolutely should not. Well, well, well...now she is the one lolly-gagging on the phone! This isn't the first time I've indirectly overheard her on her phone with personal business, either. Again, I don't care that people (even Killjoy) talk on their mobiles. I DO care about people shaking their finger at someone in disappointment only to turn around and do the very same thing they're condoning. ******* I'm not necessarily in a foul mood. Just ticked off a bit to not let people merge in front of me in traffic.

Picking Up The Pieces

Get comfy, this is a long one. So here I am, slightly more together than this time last week. I've no idea what hit me, but for 2 days I was out of the game entirely. I dragged my ass to work last Wednesday (mainly to avoid any lectures from KillJoy) and slowly got things going again. I hate being sick. Although, I can't say that I minded being off of work. Considering the amount of shit I've dealt with this year, it was nice to not have to think about them. Of course, I would've enjoyed the time more if I could've accomplished something like having fun or an interview. Such as it was, I laid in bed and watched re-runs of Doctor Who. ******* A lot has come up over the past 2 weeks. For one, K is hell bent on something or other and J and I have no freaking clue what it is. He doesn't act up at daycare, which is good, however he turns into evil incarnate when he gets home - throwing temper tantrums, whining, grunting, crying...if you can think of it he's done it. I even had to call his DR because I totally didn't know what to do! The nurse and I went through some things and we don't think it's a physical thing (like ear infection, etc) because he doesn't act this way at daycare. So basically, 90% of what we try to do to calm him down doesn't work. The ONLY thing that calms him down is the video Pat the Bunny-Sing With Me. It wouldn't be such a big deal except that every time he see the TV he points and lets out this grunt/whine and is only happy with Pat the Bunny on. Did I mention EVERY FREAKING TIME HE SEES THE TV?! My aspirations for him don't include plopping him down in-front of the same video all day every day, but that is all he wants! I had hopes of being a better parent than that, but at this point all I want is quiet! I feel like shit for giving in to it but for the sake of K calming down, J's nerves and my hearing - we do. We've also been working on getting him down to 1 nap a day, thinking that maybe his bizarro attitude could be a "sign" that he's ready. The verdict is still out on that one. So far, whether he gets 2 naps or 1, he still has that hell bent attitude going on. And what the fuck about him not acting this way at daycare? Seriously, what the fuckity fuck fuck?! On another note, his separation anxiety is getting better - AT DAYCARE! (If you could see me now, you'd see me shaking my head in disbelief. I hate not having a clue what is going on or what to do!) ******* This past weekend we went to the park and K did well on the slides. At one point, J had to go get something from the car and I stayed with K, who was watching J's every move and started to get upset that he was leaving the play area. I reassured him that Daddy would be coming back and it helped a little bit. On the way home we stopped at a gas station and J went in to get a lottery ticket (because damn wouldn't it be nice!) and as he left the car, K got upset again. I repeated my earlier assurances that Daddy would be right back. Where am I going with this? What if Daddy didn't come back? What if something happened to him? What audacity do I have to say something like that when I have no control over every single event in life? I feel like a liar to my son everytime I say "Daddy'll be right back" or "I'll be right back." How do I know that? I don't and that freaks me out. Not to mention that sting of disappointment at letting my son down should anything horrible happen. The twisted knife in the side feeling at being proven wrong has been dogging me for a while now and I don't know how to get past it. I haven't found the words to replace the "be right back" and that scares me. I don't want to lie to my son. I know the world can be a difficult place to navigate through and I want to protect him and teach how to get through the muck, but I don't want to do it under the guise of false pretenses like "be right back" because you just don't know. Don't think I haven't pondered the whole Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus issue as well. If you really want to get technical, that's lying too because those things don't exist. My point is that the above 3 figures generally don't damage someone's pysche. There may be some slight disappointment when K realizes that it was J and I being the Tooth Fairy or planting the Easter basket not to mention searching high and low for that "gotta have it" toy of the Christmas season. He won't be spending years in therapy because of it though. Well, not unless we're cheap on rewarding for teeth or get him crappy gifts...which if you've seen his closet full of clothes, huge dump trucks and gazillion cars (which you haven't, but go with me on this) then you'd know we indulge him, even if a bit too much at times. ******* So, there it is. Everything I've been holding in for the past few weeks. Well, except for the flu that slapped me up, down, around and made me it's bitch. I didn't hold anything in during those few days.

psst

I'm still alive. :-) I spent last week picking myself up off the floor of the bathroom due to some freak flu. More to come. Now I'm playing catch up.